The Real Reason He Cheats

Cheating is a self-serving act. No one benefits from cheating except the cheater, and maybe the person they are cheating with. It doesn't matter what the underlying reason is that leads to the act of cheating, ultimately, people cheat because they are selfish. I say this because cheating is a choice, and the cheater chooses to cheat rather than find another way to deal with their issues.

Scientific America published an article titled, Why Do People in Relationships Cheat? The article looks at a completed study on why people decide to cheat. 495 people were recruited and participated in the study. An analysis of the study revealed eight key reasons that lead to cheating: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance. These "reasons" or feelings are not uncommon in relationships and most people have, or will experience them. I look at the reasons listed in this study as the motivation behind the cheating, rather than the actual cause of cheating.

It's easy for people to say they cheated because they were angry, unhappy or felt neglected by their partner. However, cheating has nothing to do with the person they are in a relationship with. Cheating is about the character of the person doing the cheating and how they deal with their feelings in relationships. When you feel anger, neglect, or any of the feelings listed above, you have the option to discuss the situation with your partner or to end the relationship. If you decide to cheat rather than deal with the issues or leave the relationship, you are choosing self gratification over doing the right thing. This is what makes cheating selfish. As hard that may be to accept, it is the truth.

Now, allow me to clear the air, so that men don't think I'm saying they are the only ones who cheat. People cheat. Men cheat. Women cheat. We are human beings with feelings, needs and desires. Gregory Lions posted an article about cheating in which he basically says that cheating is just a violation of the rules of the game of fidelity. He goes on to say that if we are honest with ourselves, "then we'd acknowledge the fact that we are sexually attracted to more than one individual." He also says that We as human beings, "attempt to enforce a set of Puritanical moral codes" on ourselves that contradict our physical desires. While he may not be wrong, I believe he downplays the importance of religion and morals on human existence. This cannot be underestimated considering the impact it has on our every day lives, whether we are interested in it or not. Furthermore, those "Puritanical moral codes" he's speaking of are what many people base their beliefs and views of relationships on. So although being attracted to more than one person may be human nature, as he says in his article, we can't ignore the need as humans to form meaningful relationships rooted in religious beliefs because that too, is human nature. Therefore, being attracted to more than one person doesn't validate or constitute cheating.

There is no validation for cheating. People cheat because their feelings lead them to give into their desires. If you are being neglected in your relationship why cheat rather than discuss it and work it out with your partner? If you're attracted to someone else why is your response to cheat rather than control your urges and be faithful to your partner? If you are not able to be with only one person, why are you in a relationship with someone who expects monogamy? Before you cheat, I challenge you to ask yourself, "what is wrong?" Not what is wrong with the person you're cheating on, but what is wrong with you. Is there anything that has gone unaddressed?What is it that you hope to gain from cheating? Should you end your relationship or discuss an open relationship? Get to the bottom of why you are acting out by cheating. Be honest with your partner and most importantly, be honest with yourself.

*Image by Cottonbro on Pexels

Comments

A Weak Man Hates Anything that Challenges Him to Be Better

We all come across weak men who blame others for their shortcomings. These men struggle with accountability and reject anything that challenges them to be better. In essence, they are narcissistic and self-centered. It is not easy to deal with such men, especially if you are in a relationship with them. Weak men often have fragile egos, and anything that threatens their fragile sense of self is perceived as a threat. We have to understand that these men are not secure within themselves, and they rely on external validation to feel good about themselves. Therefore, when you try to challenge them to be better, they feel like you are attacking them, and they become defensive. They cannot handle criticism, and they struggle with personal growth. One of the reasons why weak men struggle with personal growth is that they are afraid of change. They are comfortable in their current ways, and they are not willing to step out of their comfort zones. They fear the unknown, and they do not want to

Invest in Men Who Invest in Themselves

Many women fall into the trap of settling for men who are not growing emotionally or mentally. So, today we're exploring the importance of investing in a partner who invests in themselves. We will look at the five warning signs that a man is not growing and why settling for less can be detrimental to your happiness. If you are ready to prioritize your own growth and fulfillment in a relationship, keep reading. Unwilling to be accountable A man who is not willing to take responsibility for his actions or mistakes is not growing. He may blame others for his problems, make excuses, or refuse to admit when he's wrong. This lack of accountability can cause major problems in a relationship, leading to mistrust, resentment, and emotional distance. If your partner is unwilling to be accountable, it's essential to have an honest conversation about how you feel and set clear boundaries. Unaware of his faults A man who doesn't recognize his faults and limitations is not growing. H

Dating After 40: Why You Deserve a Man Who's Done the Work

Women in their 40s should have a different outlook on dating than those in their younger years. As we age, our priorities should change. What once seemed like an exciting project or a new endeavor may now feel like a waste of time. We reach a point where we no longer have time for "projects." And that includes men who don't have their shit together. A man must be stable, both financially and emotionally. We've invested time and energy building ourselves up and we deserve a partner who has done the same. Once you reach a certain age, you can no longer afford to invest your time and energy into someone who isn't on the same page as you. You've spent years working on yourself and improving your life. You've invested time and money into your education, career, and personal growth. You've learned the importance of taking care of your physical and mental health. So why should you settle for a man who hasn't done the same? A man who has done the work is

When He Wants Your Body and Not Your Heart

There's nothing wrong with being physical with your partner, whether it's holding hands, cuddling, or kissing. However, when a man is only after your body and not your heart, he will show signs that can be easy to miss. It's important to recognize these signs to protect ourselves from being used and giving ourselves to the wrong people. If he's doing these things he may be using your for sex. His touch is always sexual When you're in the company of a man who is only after your body, his touch will always have a sexual undertone. He'll initiate physical contact with the sole purpose of getting you into bed. You'll notice that his hand on your thigh or your shoulder will linger longer than necessary. If you're not comfortable with this type of physical contact, it's best to set boundaries with him sooner rather than later. He's not interested in intimate conversations A man who's interested in your heart will want to get to know you on a deepe

STOP Recycling Men: Here's Why You Deserve Better!

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with a man who keeps revisiting his past, unable to detach from his old ways? Do you often feel like you're with someone who is not truly committed to growing and evolving themselves? If so, then it's time to put an end to it. Ladies, stop recycling men! Recycling is when you take an old, outdated thing, and make a new use of it. You deserve a man who is continually evolving and reinventing himself—a man who is letting go of his past, his soul ties, and his youthful mindset. In this post, we'll explore why you deserve better and how to avoid the pitfalls of recycling men who are stuck in their old ways. You deserve a man who is ready and willing to create a completely new version of himself. Someone who is committed to shedding his old ways, letting go of soul ties, and breaking free from younger mentalities. Recycled men often come with baggage that prevents them from truly growing and evolving. And if you're with someone

Don't Date Him if He's Broke - Here's Why!

As a society, we've been taught that love knows no boundaries - not even financial ones. And while it's true that money isn't everything, it's important to recognize the impact that financial instability can have on a relationship. If you're considering dating a man who is currently broke, but still trying to date, you may want to think twice. Here are the reasons why you shouldn't date him if he's broke, and what negative effects it can have on your relationship. He's Going to Transfer Those Bad Priorities into a Relationship with You When someone is broke and still trying to date, it's a clear indication that their priorities aren't in order. If he's struggling to take care of himself financially, he's likely to prioritize instant gratification over long-term goals. This means that he may not understand the importance of saving money, setting financial goals, or investing in a shared future. If you're in a relationship with a man wh

Dating After 40: How To Approach It Differently

Age is just a number, and you're never too old to find love. But let's be real: dating after 40 can be a bit daunting. If you're single and dating in your 40s, you know that your patience, intuition, and emotional needs have changed over time, and so should your dating approach. It's important to take a step back and reevaluate your priorities before jumping back into the dating scene. Here are some tips on how to approach dating after 40. Create A List Of Priorities And Deal Breakers Before starting to look for a partner, make sure you have a clear idea of what you're looking for. Take some time to think about your priorities in a relationship. What are the qualities you want in a partner? What are your deal breakers? Things like being a cat or dog person, smoking preferences, or having kids can be important factors that determine the compatibility with a potential partner. Having a clear idea of what you want from a relationship will help you navigate the dating s

Three Reasons He Takes You For Granted: Understanding His Mindset

Sometimes we often find ourselves in situations where we feel undervalued by our significant other. We give all our love, care, and attention to make our partner happy, but sometimes, they don't reciprocate our efforts. It can be a frustrating and hurtful experience, leaving us feeling unappreciated and unwanted. But why does this happen? Why do some men take their partners for granted? Let's explore three common reasons why this could be happening and what we can do about it. Photo by Alex Green His value system makes him ignorant to your value. One of the main reasons why men take their partners for granted is that their value system differs from ours. For them, emotional support, care, and attention may not hold the same importance as it does for us. They may prioritize other aspects of life, such as their career, hobbies, or friends. They may not realize the effort that goes into maintaining a healthy relationship and undervalue the importance of emotional support. This cou

Authentically Nita

Search This Blog