Skip to main content

The Real Reason He Cheats


Cheating is a self-serving act. No one benefits from cheating except the cheater, and maybe the person they are cheating with. It doesn't matter what the underlying reason is that leads to the act of cheating, ultimately, people cheat because they are selfish. I say this because cheating is a choice, and the cheater chooses to cheat rather than find another way to deal with their issues.

Scientific America published an article titled, Why Do People in Relationships Cheat? The article looks at a completed study on why people decide to cheat. 495 people were recruited and participated in the study. An analysis of the study revealed eight key reasons that lead to cheating: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance. These "reasons" or feelings are not uncommon in relationships and most people have, or will experience them. I look at the reasons listed in this study as the motivation behind the cheating, rather than the actual cause of cheating. 

It's easy for people to say they cheated because they were angry, unhappy or felt neglected by their partner. However, cheating has nothing to do with the person they are in a relationship with. Cheating is about the character of the person doing the cheating and how they deal with their feelings in relationships. When you feel anger, neglect, or any of the feelings listed above, you have the option to discuss the situation with your partner or to end the relationship. If you decide to cheat rather than deal with the issues or leave the relationship, you are choosing self gratification over doing the right thing. This is what makes cheating selfish. As hard that may be to accept, it is the truth.

Now, allow me to clear the air, so that men don't think I'm saying they are the only ones who cheat. People cheat. Men cheat. Women cheat. We are human beings with feelings, needs and desires. Gregory Lions posted an article about cheating in which he basically says that cheating is just a violation of the rules of the game of fidelity. He goes on to say that if we are honest with ourselves, "then we'd acknowledge the fact that we are sexually attracted to more than one individual." He also says that We as human beings, "attempt to enforce a set of Puritanical moral codes" on ourselves that contradict our physical desires. While he may not be wrong, I believe he downplays the importance of religion and morals on human existence. This cannot be underestimated considering the impact it has on our every day lives, whether we are interested in it or not. Furthermore, those "Puritanical moral codes" he's speaking of are what many people base their beliefs and views of relationships on. So although being attracted to more than one person may be human nature, as he says in his article, we can't ignore the need as humans to form meaningful relationships rooted in religious beliefs because that too, is human nature. Therefore, being attracted to more than one person doesn't validate or constitute cheating.

There is no validation for cheating. People cheat because their feelings lead them to give into their desires. If you are being neglected in your relationship why cheat rather than discuss it and work it out with your partner? If you're attracted to someone else why is your response to cheat rather than control your urges and be faithful to your partner? If you are not able to be with only one person, why are you in a relationship with someone who expects monogamy? Before you cheat, I challenge you to ask yourself, "what is wrong?" Not what is wrong with the person you're cheating on, but what is wrong with you. Is there anything that has gone unaddressed?What is it that you hope to gain from cheating? Should you end your relationship or discuss an open relationship? Get to the bottom of why you are acting out by cheating. Be honest with your partner and most importantly, be honest with yourself.

*Image by Cottonbro on Pexels

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Blog About Blogging -Someone Please Notice Me!

I've been spending some time joining social networks for Bloggers and checking out other blogs. One thing I've noticed is that a lot of people have a theme for their blog. The other thing that they have, that my blog doesn't have, is a header. I've seen so many pretty header images and catchy Blog titles. I'm wondering, "Is my blog missing something?" I chose not to use a header because I think it will clash with all the colors on my page and make everything look too busy. I chose not to stick to one theme because I have a million things to say and they come in a variety of different topics. I haven't been getting a lot of comments. So, I'm not sure if it has to do with the layout of my blog, or something else like that. I read somewhere online that for every 100 people that view your blog only 10 will comment. I can say that the social networks have paid off. Most of the comments that I received came from people who are members of those networks.

¡¡¡Giveaway!!!

I am pleased to announce that any one of my Blog readers could be the lucky winner of a $60.00 gift certficate from CSN Stores. It could be you! All you have to do is enter the drawing right here on this site. So here's the deal: CSN Stores is a company with 200+ websites that sell an abundance of products. They have everything; durable cookware, gorgeous lighting fixtures, sturdy baby cribs, beautiful corner TV stands and much more! The gift certificate can be used on any one of their sites. Imagine purchasing a beautiful corner stand like the one below. It's a corner stand so it saves space, it has drawers to hide the children's DVDs, game controllers and remote controls, it looks pretty sturdy and on top of all that, you'll get to slash $60.00 off the price just winning a drawing! Here's what you have to do: You may submit more than one entry, but you must follow the rules to do so. 1st(Mandatory)Entry: You must publicly follow my blog and then leave a comment

Bratz Big Kidz Music Stars

I tried my hardest to catch these dollies on sale this year. I planned to buy four. One for each of the girls. But they were selling out like crazy. My daughters just love Brat dolls. I don't know why. They have big heads, they break much easier than Barbie and they seriously overdue it on make-up. I was happy when MGA came up with the Bratz Kidz Dolls. These dolls don't where as much make-up. What I liked most about these Big Kidz, is that they are NOT dressed in slutty clothes. Although Yasmin's outfit still shows a little tummy, it is much more appropriate than others I have seen on this brand of doll. So anyway, as I searched the net for the new Bratz Big Kidz Music Stars, I could not find Sasha anywhere. I found the Bratz Big Kidz Snap-On Doll Sasha (who's skirt is way too short), but I could not find the Music Stars doll. I checked everywhere I could think of, (in the US) and found nothing. However, while searching the net I found that many stores in the UK ha

Selecting New Eyeglasses (It's Never a Bad Idea to Consider the Price)

I accidentally threw away my glasses one night, (that's so me, I had put them in a plastic bag with some snacks). That was over a year ago and I just recently took on the challenge of selecting and purchasing new eyeglasses . This is a challenge to me, because I always have a difficult time selecting the best glasses for my face shape and skin tone. Honestly, I hate the way I look in any glasses and if I didn't need prescription glasses in order to operate a vehicle, I would go without them. (I do not recommend that anyone else do that, and I'm sure my optometrist would scold me). In order to prevent myself from getting another ticket, I had to take on the task of finding some glasses that I would feel comfortable and confident in. This time around I did some online research on how to pick out the perfect glasses . I watched some videos, read some articles, figured out my face shape, and then forgot almost everything as soon as I walked into the optical shop and saw

My First Blog Award!

Winners Grab Your Award Above! I am soooo frickin' happy to have finally received a Blog Award! yay! Thank you to Momma Michie who awarded it to me and 14 other well deserving bloggers! Momma Michie's blog is informative and upbeat, but it's also heartwarming and consists of many great topics us moms like to read about. So be sure to check her out! The rules to receiving the "One Lovely Blog Award" are the following: 1. Post the award on your blog along with recognition to the person who gave it to you with a link to their blog. 2. Award 15 other well deserving blogs that you have discovered. 3. Don't forget to contact the winners you chose for the award!Here are my 15 "One Lovely Blog Award" winners! 1. My Personal Cafe 2. Momhood Moments 3. Yes, Divas CAN Cook 4. New England Nanny 5. Three B's and Me 6. Cappuccino Confessions 7. A Nut in a Nutshell 8. A Place of Comfort 9. Momma D & Da Boyz 10. Mreow! 11. Mom Talk with 3 Kids and Us 12. B

Week 29 - At The Beach

Thursday Thoughts

I guess there comes a time when every mother has to come face to face with their teenager and let them know who's boss. Mother/daughter relationships can be difficult during these years. This Thursday's Thought: "Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers." ~William Galvin The reason behind the thought: My daughter crossed a line last night. This line crossing showed blatant disrespect and has changed our relationship forever. My daughter turned 13 in March. It's only been a few months and one of my worst fears has already come true. The fear that she would one day forget how much I love her and how much I've been here for her through the years. I've never had a teenager before and this is all new to me, but one thing I am not going to do is play friends with her and allow her to disrespect me.

Week 28: Feet Week