It was a few years ago that I found myself in a months long, casual sex, situationship. I was still going through my divorce proceeding and while I never intended for it to be casual sex, I knew that I wasn't completely ready for a new relationship. I did not go into it knowing it would be casual sex. I thought the guy liked me and that maybe it could go somewhere. It didn't help that he waited until after we slept together for the first time to make it clear that sex was all he wanted. He was brutally honest at that point and I'm not going to lie, it hurt. I was left with nothing but a choice. It took about a month for me to make my decision.
That experience taught me a lot. One thing I learned is that casual sex isn't bad. It also doesn't have to be with different random guys. You can have one casual sex partner for a long period of time as long as you have clear rules and boundaries, and always stick to them. For me, casual sex means I'm not cuddling with you and I'm not spending the night. I'm there for sex and that's it. I don't text the guy anything more than, "Hey, you wanna meet up?" or "That was so good." I don't call him at all and I end conversations quickly if he calls me. I always, always use protection.
Here are my best tips on how to have casual sex without getting caught up in your feelings:
1. Know that this is what you want. Be real with yourself. If you are not the type to engage in casual sex, then don't do it.
2. Be honest about what you want from the beginning. Make sure the person you are involved with understands that you only want sex. Be very clear. Don't mince words.
3. Look for people who want the same thing. If someone isn't sure what they want. Find someone else, because it can cause problems later. They may go into it thinking your feelings will change and get hurt when they don't.
4. Establish some ground rules. You and your partner should have an understanding. Establish some rules between the two of you.
5. Use protection and get checked regularly. Don't slip up ladies. Always use protection. Don't fall for, "I'm allergic to latex," or whatever other lame excuse men use when they don't want to wear a condom. If you end up with a partner who has an issue with condoms, find someone else. "There's plenty of dicks in the sea," or whatever my mama used to say. It's your body, protect it!
6. Keep your conversations casual as well. Don't discuss your personal business with this man. He doesn't need to know about your kids. Stop him short when he tries to tell you about his life. In this situation you shouldn't care about his life, or his feelings.
7. Resist the urge to regularly text this person. You really don't have much to say to this person on a personal level. All you need to talk to them about is sex. And that doesn't require you to text them all damn day long. Just don't do it.
8. Don't spend time with this person outside of having sex. Don't go one dates. Don't go strolling through the mall together. Don't hang out with friends together. You are not in a relationship.
9. Don't expect him to act like your boyfriend. Again, you are not in a relationship. Don't start expecting this man to do boyfriend stuff with you because you've been screwing him for six months. You're not his girl.
10. Set your own boundaries. Aside from what I'm talking about in this post, you should have your own set of boundaries that work for you.
11. Know when to end it. If either of you ends up in a serious relationship with someone else, it's time to end it. If either of you starts catching feelings, it's time to end it. If it starts getting messy, it's time to end it. When it is time to call it quits, let it go. Block him if you need to.
12. Have a good time! Casual Sex is about having a good time. So just have fun and enjoy it while it lasts.
*Photo by Ana Maria Moroz from Pexels