I do not regret my divorce. I believe wholeheartedly that it was necessary. However, if I could have avoided it, I would have. I think it's best for people to explore other options before getting divorced. You can try marital counseling, taking time apart, or even an open marriage. If there is no abuse in the home, divorce should be your last option. Here's why:
1. It's ugly - You may start off thinking you and your ex would never engage in crazy, toxic behavior. Then at some point you get hit by negative angry emotions from your Ex. Emotions will be high. Expect conflict.
2. It hurts - Even when it’s necessary, divorce still hurts. You're walking away from something you spent years building, and that's not easy. It hurts both spouses and it hurts the children.
3. It takes time - Divorce is usually a long process. Even when both parties agree to the divorce, and there’s nothing to fight over, it can still end up being a 1 - 2 year process.
4. Divorce doesn't end when the judge signs the decree - You will have a lot to work through. Especially if you have children. Their whole world will be changed and you have to be prepared to deal with the challenges they will face while dealing with your own set of emotions and challenges.
5. It's not fair - Like most other things in life, divorce is not fair. Don't expect it to be. The same way marriage isn’t about things being fair and even, neither is divorce.
If you do proceed with divorce get counseling for yourself and your children. Reach out to family and friends to find support. You will need it. Be open and honest with your children. Be prepared to face financial difficulty for a period of time. Most importantly, take your time with your healing and your process.
*Photo by Cottonbro