What to do when you're feeling confused.
|Photo by Felipe Cespedes|
Love is not a decision. Love is a feeling. The feeling is either there, or it isn't. You know from the beginning, because you feel it from the beginning. You also know if the feeling is mutual. However, what we do sometimes, is ignore the signs that tell us that despite how we feel about him, he doesn't feel the same way. We then kind of waste our own time believing that there is something there, that simply isn't. The truth is, if he loved you, you would know. There would be no confusion, and no doubt.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are doubting where it's going and you're not sure if he's feels the same way about you, I recommend asking him directly, "Where is this going? Do you see us working out long term?" If he is unsure, or does not give you a direct answer, then you know what it is. You need to walk away from that situation. Before I get into why, I want to be clear that this post is not about/for married people, and it's not about/for people living together in long-term, committed relationships. I am speaking specifically to those who are still trying to figure it out, people in new relationships, and those who are still looking for a loving, meaningful relationship.
There is a song by Bonnie Raitt called, I Can't Make you Love Me. It was released originally in 1994 and then again in 2011 when it was sung by Adele. In the song she sings,
"I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't"
Understand that you cannot make someone feel something that isn't there. No matter how much you want it. No matter how much you love/like him. If you force it, it will not last. Men know from the beginning if they are really into you and if they see a future with you. They know what they want and what they don't want. How many times have you heard of a man saying, "I saw her and I knew she was going to be my wife," or "I loved her since the first day I laid eyes on her." We hear these things from both real life stories and fiction. Men know from the beginning where they place you in their life. If he's not in love with you now, he never will be. That is not going to change. Let's suppose you continue in this relationship anyway. You're together, but you feel unfulfilled. He's probably just sticking it out because he does actually like you as a person, and no one else has come along to turn his head. Eventually though, someone will come along who gives him the real feeling of love. When that time comes, he will either leave you, or cheat. Love is a feeling and he will act on it. It's human nature. This is why we shouldn't force relationships or pressure people to do things they are hesitant about. Because let me tell you, when someone loves you, there will be no hesitation. When someone is in love with you and you're in love with them, it's the best feeling in the world. You can't mistake that for anything and you shouldn't settle for anything less.