Life after Divorce is difficult. You vowed to be with one another for eternity and someone broke that vow. You may feel betrayed and confused. You are not alone. It is okay to hurt. It is okay to cry. But, eventually, you will have to pick yourself up. You will have to come to terms with detaching from your spouse and becoming whole within yourself. Divorce is not the end of your life but rather, it is a new beginning.
This is going to take some time. It could potentially take weeks or months to move nearer to reality. Take as much time as you need. Heal at your own pace. Here are some things to consider while going through the process:
Don't dwell on unanswered questions
So many things may be running through your mind; Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? How did we get here? You may never get all the answers. Don't dwell on it. Move forward in comfort knowing that everything happens for a reason.
It's easy to look at divorce as failure. People break-up all the time. Just because your marriage didn't work out doesn't mean you're the one to blame. Try to zoom out and look at the marriage as a whole. Think about the big things and small things. You will probably see that it wasn't going to work out no matter what you did or didn't do.
Look for the Silver Linings
If you always felt a little guilty going out to dinner with your friends while your husband had to work, you officially don't have to worry about that anymore. There are probably a few other things you couldn't or wouldn't want to do that are now fully available to you.
Build on Your Little Victories
Shoot for one little thing each day that can prove you're making progress in your life. For example, read a chapter of a book you've been meaning to read for years. Pick a delicious recipe and cook something you love every day. Start a new hobby. Write out a new business plan. Finish a puzzle. No matter how small it is, accomplishing something you set out to do feels pretty darn good.
Go to Therapy
Therapy will help you work through the issues you are dealing with as a result of your divorce. You will probably feel angry, bitter, and/or sad. You may be frustrated and financially burdened. Working through this in therapy can be beneficial. If you are parents, and your spouse or ex-spouse is willing to attend therapy with you, it would be beneficial to your children to do this. This will hopefully lead to a smoother transition, and better co-parenting. It is probably a good idea to start therapy on your own so that you can work through your feelings, and then start divorce therapy with your spouse or ex-spouse.
Don't do it Alone
When you're feeling low and empty, putting on an outfit and being social may sound like the last thing you want to do, but try to force yourself to stay involved with the people you love. Keeping busy helps more than you'd think. Being around other people helps you get out of your own head and offers you a little bit of a break from the emotional abuse you may be forcing on yourself.