How to Have a Perfectly Safe, Completely Normal Farmville Addiction

by - December 08, 2010

1.) Log onto Facebook.
2.) Notice that you have 25 game requests

3.) Click the Game Requests link.
4.) Say to yourself, "Geez, half of these requests are for Farmville. I haven't played that in like, forever."
5.) Start accepting the gifts.
6.) Send gifts back.
7.) Plant some crops.
8.) Notice that you're only on level 12.
9.) Begin playing more often.
10.) Harvest, plant, buy animals, get a chicken coop, hatch mystery eggs, build a stable and a pig pen.
11.) Increase your playing to everyday.
12.) Send your pigs on hunts & send truffles to neighboring farmers.

13.) Send gifts everyday.
14.) Play farmville when you can't sleep, when you are angry and when you are bored.
15.) Send gifts more than once a day, (since you have increased the amount of time that you spend playing).
16.) Expand your Dairy Farm, finally complete your beehive, let your pigeons fly, master wheat and cotton and place your animal trough.
17.) Notice that you've moved up several levels within a short period of time. Think "Hey, I bet I set a record," and feel like you've really accomplished something.
18.) Buy a Post Office, a school house, tractors, and storage space. Open a few market stalls and share bushels.
19.) Open your bakery. Continue mastering crops. Hatch eggs. Fertilize your friends farms so you can win some "Fertilize All."
20.) Build a haunted house, collect candy, buy a princess costume for your farmer.

21.) Talk about the woman who killed her baby over Farmville. Tell people how absolutely ridiculous that was.
22.) Since your fiance is not home, log into his Facebook page and send yourself Farmville gifts.
23.) Create a fake profile to send yourself more gifts.
24.) Go to Farmville's Facebook page and look for more farmers to befriend.
25.) Collect dishes for your Thanksgiving Feast, build a turkey roast, ask for turkeys, build three orchards, master Black Roses, expand your turkey roast, ask for more turkeys, place your baby animals in the gates, because the nursery is too full, water your mystery seedlings.

26.) Get happy when your trough is full and you find animals wondering around on your farm.
27.) Set your alarm clock for 6:55 am, because your White Pumpkins will be ready to harvest at 7. Your white pumpkins allow you to make more Casserole in your bakery.
28.) Harvest your White Pumpkins and OH LOOK!!!! You have just mastered the crop. Yes! Three stars for you :)
29.) Go to the bakery, level up that Casserole recipe and feel a sense of satisfaction.

30.) Continue cropping while you wait impatiently for Zynga to release the new Farmville winter items that they keep displaying on the loading page.
31.) Place your Winter workshop and Gingerbread house. Send & receive gifts to collect the necessary bricks, boards and nails needed to build these items.

32.) Stay on top of your winter collectibles

33.) Wake up in the middle of the night two times to see if anyone posted bonuses or sent you Holiday Treats.

34.) Realize that no one is up at 4:00am posting Farmville links on your timeline except you.
35.) Try to get some sleep.
36.) Wake up the next morning at 7:00am and check to see if you got the last two treats that you needed....(not yet)
37.) Take the children to school.
38.) When you get home, put the household chores off and go back to Farming.
39.) FINALLY you got the treats! You can now decorate your farm with snow and lights.

40.) Buy a winter cafe and other holiday items.
41.) Plant Poinsettias. These babies only cost 45 coins, sell for 126 coins and they are a limited time masterable crop!
42.) Remember that you forgot your morning coffee.
43.) Continue playing Facebook apps.
44.) 2:45pm the same day. Leave to go pick up the children from school.
45.) Wonder what new Farmville items will be released to celebrate the upcoming new year.
46.) Blog about your Farmville addiction at 1:58am, (but keep Farmville open on a separate tab).

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  1. 47)Google farmville related queries and find "Blah, Blah, Blog" and another crazy farmer!

    I just say, minus the kids, ME TOO!! Ridiculous and FUN!
    Thanks for the smile!

  2. LoL It's good to know that I'm not alone in this. :) Thanks for commenting.

  3. Hi,

    Thank you for your nice writing on how to Cure addiction and I was reading it and I think my time is not wasted