Authentically Nita

So you've been seeing this really great guy. You have the same sense of humor. You have a lot in common. You enjoy being around him and you're together all the time. He even calls you baby and gives you kisses on your forehead. Only problem is, he hasn't introduced you to his friends or family yet. He doesn't post you on his social media. He rushes you off the phone when he's around other people. Why is he hiding you? When you ask him he might tell you that he's a private person, that he doesn't like people in his business, or that he's not ready to "go public." This is not a good sign. There is a clear difference between a low-key relationship and keeping you a secret. Any relationship that has to be hidden is a problem.  Here are a few reasons he may be keeping you a secret (and none of them are good). 1. He's married or has another girlfriend This is the number one reason for a man to keep his relationship with you under wraps. Chances a

I remember being cheated on. I remember catching him red handed and listening as he denied the whole thing. I remember wondering if the other woman knew he was married. Odds are, she probably did. I didn't understand it and the truth is, I didn't need to. I just needed to remove myself from the situation. My ex was careless in his cheating. After my experience I began watching how men & women cheat. Cousins, friends, co-workers - it seems that everyone has a "Sneaky Link" or a "Secret Bae." And although the memes would have you thinking otherwise, it's not cute. But still, it's interesting. So here are some of the best tips I've learned on how to cheat without getting caught:  1. Let the person you are cheating with know that you are already married, or in a relationship. Have this conversation with the person from the beginning so they know their role, and so that you can establish boundaries. Be clear that you will not be leaving your spou

  We've all probably seen our share of messy break-ups online, in our friend circles or within our family. I think I have personally had a good three messy break-ups though none have been as messy as my divorce. We constantly argued. We kept taking each other's calls. We posted on social media. We talked to each other's friends/family members about the other person. We blocked and unblocked each other. There was so much drama and it lasted for a long time. I've learned from my mistakes and while I know there is no way to guarantee a smooth break-up I've compiled a list of what I think will help reduce your chances of having a messy break-up. 1.  Make sure its what you really want. 2. Think about what you're going to say. 3. Don't play the blame game! 4. Be brutally honest. 5. Understand that you cannot control the other person's reaction. 6. Do not post about it on social media. 7. Do not have conversations with your ex about what went wrong and if you c

  I do not regret my divorce. I believe wholeheartedly that it was necessary. However, if I could have avoided it, I would have. I think it's best for people to explore other options before getting divorced. You can try marital counseling, taking time apart, or even an open marriage. If there is no abuse in the home, divorce should be your last option. Here's why: 1. It's ugly - You may start off thinking you and your ex would never engage in crazy, toxic behavior. Then at some point you get hit by negative angry emotions from your Ex. Emotions will be high. Expect conflict. 2. It hurts - Even when it’s necessary, divorce still hurts. You're walking away from something you spent years building, and that's not easy. It hurts both spouses and it hurts the children. 3. It takes time - Divorce is usually a long process. Even when both parties agree to the divorce, and there’s nothing to fight over, it can still end up being a 1 - 2 year process. 4. Divorce doesn't e

Do you know what it's like to lay in someone's arms and feel completely empty? To have their body wrapped around yours, naked, skin touching, breathe on your neck, arms holding you so tight it feels as if they were meant to never let you go. I lose myself in the forehead kisses and the brushing of my hair behind my ears. In the soft whispers and the morning smiles. I lose myself most of the time. But sometimes, I just lay there wrapped in his naked body wondering if he holds everyone like this. Wondering why I keep coming back. Knowing, that I'll come back again.  *Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

I literally had to grieve my divorce.  The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, letting go and acceptance. I have gone through each one of these stages. I had to remove someone from my life that had been part of it for sixteen years. I met him when I was 22 and my divorce was finalized when I was 38. The relationship had ended years before the divorce, but it took me a long time to accept it. I was gone mentally, long before I had physically picked up my things and drove off. I was hurt. I was sad. I was angry. I couldn’t understand how HE could do the things he did to me. The one person who was supposed to love me unconditionally broke me down bit-by-bit until I didn’t even understand why I was living. I didn’t understand why I was suffering. I didn’t understand why God put me in that place. I was angry with God. I felt myself breaking down and it was getting hard to pretend that everything was normal. I hated going home. I worked late and went into the office early whenever