Authentically Nita

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Years ago, before I was ever married, I remember asking a friend about trust. She was already married and had been with her husband for a few years. I asked her, "How do you know you can trust him? How do you have faith in him to do the right thing? Don't you ever worry he'll cheat on you?" She told me that you don't put your faith in your husband. You have faith in God. If your husband is doing something wrong, you trust in God to make it right. That conversation has always stuck with me. The bible says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths." (NKV Proverbs 3:5-6). I took her words, my Bible, and six weeks of marital counseling with our pastor into my marriage. Still, after only three months, my husband was having an affair. I felt sick. I felt stupid. I felt betrayed. I was angry, and everything they told me went null and void. When y

We live in a society where finding the "perfect" romantic partner is highly valued. From social media to movies to television we are bombarded with messages about what love should look like, what we should expect from our relationships, and what it implies if our relationship does not meet those standards. Reality looks different from those love stories that we see and hear all around us. However, most people still go into a relationship with a preconceived idea about how they’ll be treated. Usually our expectations are positive and hopeful. But social media specifically, can contribute to unhealthy comparison and unrealistic expectations for what a relationship is supposed to be like. Your relationship won't meet your expectations if your expectations are unrealistic.   In most relationships we expect honesty, trust, affection, loyalty, kindness, and respect. These are realistic expectations and the foundation of a healthy relationship. Having standards isn't wrong.

Cheating is a self-serving act. No one benefits from cheating except the cheater, and maybe the person they are cheating with. It doesn't matter what the underlying reason is that leads to the act of cheating, ultimately, people cheat because they are selfish. I say this because cheating is a choice, and the cheater chooses to cheat rather than find another way to deal with their issues. Scientific America published an article titled, Why Do People in Relationships Cheat? The article looks at a completed study on why people decide to cheat. 495 people were recruited and participated in the study. An analysis of the study revealed eight key reasons that lead to cheating: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance. These "reasons" or feelings are not uncommon in relationships and most people have, or will experience them. I look at the reasons listed in this study as the motivation behind the che

So you've been seeing this really great guy. You have the same sense of humor. You have a lot in common. You enjoy being around him and you're together all the time. He even calls you baby and gives you kisses on your forehead. Only problem is, he hasn't introduced you to his friends or family yet. He doesn't post you on his social media. He rushes you off the phone when he's around other people. Why is he hiding you? When you ask him he might tell you that he's a private person, that he doesn't like people in his business, or that he's not ready to "go public." This is not a good sign. There is a clear difference between a low-key relationship and keeping you a secret. Any relationship that has to be hidden is a problem.  Here are a few reasons he may be keeping you a secret (and none of them are good). 1. He's married or has another girlfriend This is the number one reason for a man to keep his relationship with you under wraps. Chances a

  He left his phone.  There it is, sitting on the kitchen counter, the night stand or the bathroom sink. You've been questioning so many things lately and all of your answers are right there in that little device. What should you do? My suggestion is wait for him to come back and give him his phone. It most likely has a passcode on it. Trying it too many times will lock the phone and he'll know you were trying to snoop. But, what if there is no passcode? Should you go through his phone? I am going to say no. It is not a good idea to go snooping through your man's phone. Before you do it you should consider the following: 1. Snooping through his phone is an invasion of his privacy. Every individual deserves some level of privacy. Even when they are in a relationship. I'm pretty sure you have messages in your phone to family members or friends that you wouldn't want him to read. Not because you're cheating, but because you're talking shit or the other person

Intuition is what we call it. A Woman's Intuition to be exact. It tells us, "something ain't right." You don't have proof, but you feel it. You're probably not wrong. We know when something's up, and while we may not have hard evidence, there are common signs that tell us a man is cheating. If you believe your partner is cheating I recommend keeping a behavior journal. I know, I know, it sounds a little crazy, but hear me out. I am about to list a bunch of common signs of a cheating spouse. You should keep track of which behaviors your partner displays. Most of these signs are circumstantial evidence, but if you establish a continued pattern of behavior that looks like cheating, then it probably is. Going over your journal entries will help you determine if he's really cheating. Now, if you're married, and your spouse is doing more than one of these, and your journal is looking like he's definitely cheating, you might want to hire a profession