Authentically Nita

Sometimes I think Ex loved me more than I loved myself.  He loved me so much that he put me on a pedestal and held me to a higher standard. There were so many things that I was supposed to be.  Pretty but humble, kind-hearted but unyielding, well kept but natural, conservative but open-minded, reserved but out-going, strong but soft, cordial but not too friendly.  It was almost impossible and quite draining to keep up with.  Still, I was determined to keep it up.  Ex thought more highly of me than I thought of myself and I wanted to be everything he thought I was.  So I did....or at least, I tried. Sometimes I was too friendly or didn't say the right thing.  Other times I held back too much and came off as awkward.  It was a little nerve-racking to not know when I should or shouldn't speak to someone.  Normally, I would just speak to store clerks to be polite.  Now, I needed to make sure I wasn't being, "joe."  It really wasn't a big deal I guess.  My need to

I feel compelled to fill you in on what happened to change me as a person and stop me from writing for so long.  It has been a long journey and I think you will understand me more if I explain. Let me tell you about my marriage... I met Ex long before we got married.  We married in 2011 in a very rushed ceremony while he was on house arrest fighting a case. (He was later aquitted of all charges). You will never hear me say that I did not love my ex-husband. I loved that man. From the moment I met him, I felt like no one else on the planet understood me the way he did. The night we met, we sat on bar stools next to each other and talked for an hour and a half. We talked like we had been friends for years. We talked about life and family, about current events and politics and about music and movies. I wondered why I had not met him sooner. I was 22. Now, here I was, at age 30, feeling doubt in my heart while standing at the alter holding his hands. The doubt was not from me thinking that

What a day! Look at my hands! I was leaving a meeting at our corporate office in Souderton when my tire got a big 'ol hole in it!! 😞 I was able to pull over at Wawa when I noticed the Low PSI warning, but when I got out of the car I could hear air seeping out!!  Their air pump would not do.  Fix-a-flat would not do.  I don't have AAA (anymore ☹).  I would have to get out the donut 🍩 and change the tire myself!!! 😭😭😭😒.   "This will definitely delay my afternoon meeting in Mt. Airy," I thought.  Not to mention, my outfit looked really cute!  Plus, I did my hair & make-up so nice!! 😍 Even the security guard noticed when I got to Souderton this morning she was like, "You look different. Did you straighten your hair? It looks good!" The last time I had to change my own car tire I was 21!!  And even then someone pulled over and helped.  No such luck today. 😠  I guess I didn't look cute enough! 😮  After it took me like, FOREVER to change the

Why do we give ourselves to people who don't deserve us?  It changes us.   It chips away at us piece by piece until we are shaped into something else;  something different.   We don't even recognize the old person.   Who was that girl?   My, how she's changed. I feel like everytime that I've accepted something I didn't deserve it took away from who I was.   I don't know when I started allowing people to treat me so badly.   It just sort of happened and then it never stopped. I guess it doesn't really matter when I started it, what matters is that I stop.   I'm done letting people take from me!  My time, my love, my attention; is valuable.   I will not let anyone else hurt me, or make me feel like I am beaneath them.  It hurts so much when the person you love makes you feel like you are nothing.  I've decided, that's over.  It's time to rebuild.  And rebuild, I shall. 

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The people we surround ourselves with. I suppose it is a good idea to evaluate the people that you keep closest to you. Those that you would go above and beyond for. Maybe, one should consider if these same people would do the same for you. Are these people like you? What does their presence in your life mean? Are they helping you, hurting hurt, or having no effect at all. The places we go. We make the choice of where to go on any given day, or in life in general. Let's suppose you plan to go to Wal-Mart, and you know that you have to catch the number 7 bus to get there. You make your way to the bus stop, ride the bus and arrive at your destination. If only arriving at your life's destination could be as simple. Where are the people in your life going and where are you going with them? Are they leaving you behind, holding you back, or neither? The things that we do. What are the things that we do in life that hinder us? The things that lead to our success? Things that make us