Are You an Enabler?

When we care about someone, it’s natural to want to help them through difficult times. However, sometimes our attempts to support our loved ones can backfire and lead to enabling behaviors. Enabling means that we are inadvertently supporting unhealthy habits, patterns, and behaviors in someone else. It is a complicated term that might trigger some mixed reactions, but it’s important to understand its meaning and how it might be affecting our relationships.

Photo by Alex Green

Enabling is not a term that we hear every day, but it’s essential to know what it means and how it can affect our lives and those around us. Enabling occurs when we provide support that helps unhealthy behaviors continue. Let’s say someone battles alcohol addiction, and we make excuses for their drinking habits or loan them money to buy alcohol instead of setting firm boundaries. We have enabled their addiction to continue.

Sometimes, we enable others unconsciously and without realizing it. Enabling behaviors can stem from empathy or our need to help others. In some situations, they are linked to codependency traits. It’s essential to learn how to recognize these behaviors so you can stop them in their tracks.

Here are some signs that you might be engaging in enabling behaviors:

• Making excuses for someone else's unhealthy patterns or behaviors
• Ignoring your own needs and putting someone else’s needs first
• Avoiding conflict and suppressing your feelings to keep the peace
• Taking on more responsibility than someone else
• Lending financial support, even when it’s not in the other person’s best interests
• Feeling resentment towards someone, but not being able to set boundaries or enforce consequences for their actions.

If you recognize some of these behaviors in yourself, it’s time to start making changes.

Managing enabling behavior can be challenging, but it’s necessary to promote healthy relationships with our loved ones. The first step to managing enabling behavior is to recognize it and acknowledge that it exists. Once you’ve identified the behaviors and the triggers, you can then set firm boundaries, like limiting contact or refusing to enable someone’s negative patterns.

Another step that you can take to manage enabling behavior is to seek professional help. Mental health professionals can help you identify the root causes of your enabling behaviors and provide you with tools, strategies, and support to break free from these unhealthy patterns.

Enabling is a complex topic that affects many people. It can be challenging to recognize enabling behaviors in ourselves, and even more challenging to change them. However, we all have the power to break the cycle of enabling. By identifying the root causes of our enabling behaviors and setting firm boundaries, we can promote healthy relationships with our loved ones. Let’s all strive to support our loved ones in a healthy and positive way, without enabling negative behaviors.