Authentically Nita

We live in a society where finding the "perfect" romantic partner is highly valued. From social media to movies to television we are bombarded with messages about what love should look like, what we should expect from our relationships, and what it implies if our relationship does not meet those standards. Reality looks different from those love stories that we see and hear all around us. However, most people still go into a relationship with a preconceived idea about how they’ll be treated. Usually our expectations are positive and hopeful. But social media specifically, can contribute to unhealthy comparison and unrealistic expectations for what a relationship is supposed to be like. Your relationship won't meet your expectations if your expectations are unrealistic.   In most relationships we expect honesty, trust, affection, loyalty, kindness, and respect. These are realistic expectations and the foundation of a healthy relationship. Having standards isn't wrong.

Cheating is a self-serving act. No one benefits from cheating except the cheater, and maybe the person they are cheating with. It doesn't matter what the underlying reason is that leads to the act of cheating, ultimately, people cheat because they are selfish. I say this because cheating is a choice, and the cheater chooses to cheat rather than find another way to deal with their issues. Scientific America published an article titled, Why Do People in Relationships Cheat? The article looks at a completed study on why people decide to cheat. 495 people were recruited and participated in the study. An analysis of the study revealed eight key reasons that lead to cheating: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance. These "reasons" or feelings are not uncommon in relationships and most people have, or will experience them. I look at the reasons listed in this study as the motivation behind the che

So you've been seeing this really great guy. You have the same sense of humor. You have a lot in common. You enjoy being around him and you're together all the time. He even calls you baby and gives you kisses on your forehead. Only problem is, he hasn't introduced you to his friends or family yet. He doesn't post you on his social media. He rushes you off the phone when he's around other people. Why is he hiding you? When you ask him he might tell you that he's a private person, that he doesn't like people in his business, or that he's not ready to "go public." This is not a good sign. There is a clear difference between a low-key relationship and keeping you a secret. Any relationship that has to be hidden is a problem.  Here are a few reasons he may be keeping you a secret (and none of them are good). 1. He's married or has another girlfriend This is the number one reason for a man to keep his relationship with you under wraps. Chances a

  He left his phone.  There it is, sitting on the kitchen counter, the night stand or the bathroom sink. You've been questioning so many things lately and all of your answers are right there in that little device. What should you do? My suggestion is wait for him to come back and give him his phone. It most likely has a passcode on it. Trying it too many times will lock the phone and he'll know you were trying to snoop. But, what if there is no passcode? Should you go through his phone? I am going to say no. It is not a good idea to go snooping through your man's phone. Before you do it you should consider the following: 1. Snooping through his phone is an invasion of his privacy. Every individual deserves some level of privacy. Even when they are in a relationship. I'm pretty sure you have messages in your phone to family members or friends that you wouldn't want him to read. Not because you're cheating, but because you're talking shit or the other person

Intuition is what we call it. A Woman's Intuition to be exact. It tells us, "something ain't right." You don't have proof, but you feel it. You're probably not wrong. We know when something's up, and while we may not have hard evidence, there are common signs that tell us a man is cheating. If you believe your partner is cheating I recommend keeping a behavior journal. I know, I know, it sounds a little crazy, but hear me out. I am about to list a bunch of common signs of a cheating spouse. You should keep track of which behaviors your partner displays. Most of these signs are circumstantial evidence, but if you establish a continued pattern of behavior that looks like cheating, then it probably is. Going over your journal entries will help you determine if he's really cheating. Now, if you're married, and your spouse is doing more than one of these, and your journal is looking like he's definitely cheating, you might want to hire a profession

I remember being cheated on. I remember catching him red handed and listening as he denied the whole thing. I remember wondering if the other woman knew he was married. Odds are, she probably did. I didn't understand it and the truth is, I didn't need to. I just needed to remove myself from the situation. My ex was careless in his cheating. After my experience I began watching how men & women cheat. Cousins, friends, co-workers - it seems that everyone has a "Sneaky Link" or a "Secret Bae." And although the memes would have you thinking otherwise, it's not cute. But still, it's interesting. So here are some of the best tips I've learned on how to cheat without getting caught:  1. Let the person you are cheating with know that you are already married, or in a relationship. Have this conversation with the person from the beginning so they know their role, and so that you can establish boundaries. Be clear that you will not be leaving your spou

  We've all probably seen our share of messy break-ups online, in our friend circles or within our family. I think I have personally had a good three messy break-ups though none have been as messy as my divorce. We constantly argued. We kept taking each other's calls. We posted on social media. We talked to each other's friends/family members about the other person. We blocked and unblocked each other. There was so much drama and it lasted for a long time. I've learned from my mistakes and while I know there is no way to guarantee a smooth break-up I've compiled a list of what I think will help reduce your chances of having a messy break-up. 1.  Make sure its what you really want. 2. Think about what you're going to say. 3. Don't play the blame game! 4. Be brutally honest. 5. Understand that you cannot control the other person's reaction. 6. Do not post about it on social media. 7. Do not have conversations with your ex about what went wrong and if you c

  I do not regret my divorce. I believe wholeheartedly that it was necessary. However, if I could have avoided it, I would have. I think it's best for people to explore other options before getting divorced. You can try marital counseling, taking time apart, or even an open marriage. If there is no abuse in the home, divorce should be your last option. Here's why: 1. It's ugly - You may start off thinking you and your ex would never engage in crazy, toxic behavior. Then at some point you get hit by negative angry emotions from your Ex. Emotions will be high. Expect conflict. 2. It hurts - Even when it’s necessary, divorce still hurts. You're walking away from something you spent years building, and that's not easy. It hurts both spouses and it hurts the children. 3. It takes time - Divorce is usually a long process. Even when both parties agree to the divorce, and there’s nothing to fight over, it can still end up being a 1 - 2 year process. 4. Divorce doesn't e

Do you know what it's like to lay in someone's arms and feel completely empty? To have their body wrapped around yours, naked, skin touching, breathe on your neck, arms holding you so tight it feels as if they were meant to never let you go. I lose myself in the forehead kisses and the brushing of my hair behind my ears. In the soft whispers and the morning smiles. I lose myself most of the time. But sometimes, I just lay there wrapped in his naked body wondering if he holds everyone like this. Wondering why I keep coming back. Knowing, that I'll come back again.  *Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

It was a few years ago that I found myself in a months long, casual sex, situationship. I was still going through my divorce proceeding and while I never intended for it to be casual sex, I knew that I wasn't completely ready for a new relationship. I did not go into it knowing it would be casual sex. I thought the guy liked me and that maybe it could go somewhere. It didn't help that he waited until after we slept together for the first time to make it clear that sex was all he wanted. He was brutally honest at that point and I'm not going to lie, it hurt. I was left with nothing but a choice. It took about a month for me to make my decision.  That experience taught me a lot. One thing I learned is that casual sex isn't bad. It also doesn't have to be with different random guys. You can have one casual sex partner for a long period of time as long as you have clear rules and boundaries, and always stick to them. For me, casual sex means I'm not cuddling with yo

Life after Divorce is difficult. You vowed to be with one another for eternity and someone broke that vow. You may feel betrayed and confused. You are not alone. It is okay to hurt. It is okay to cry. But, eventually, you will have to pick yourself up. You will have to come to terms with detaching from your spouse and becoming whole within yourself. Divorce is not the end of your life but rather, it is a new beginning. This is going to take some time. It could potentially take weeks or months to move nearer to reality. Take as much time as you need. Heal at your own pace. Here are some things to consider while going through the process: Don't dwell on unanswered questions So many things may be running through your mind; Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? How did we get here? You may never get all the answers. Don't dwell on it. Move forward in comfort knowing that everything happens for a reason.  Forgive Yourself It's easy to look at divorce as failure. People

Can You Build a Healthy Relationship Online? Let's Explore the Possibilities. Online dating sites have become a popular tool for finding love and companionship. But is it really as simple as it seems? With stories of scams and negative experiences, it's natural to wonder if it works at all. Let's dive in and find out. Looking Beyond the Scams Forget about the horror stories for a moment and consider online dating as a concept. It's a service that allows people to connect and develop relationships in a digital space. In an ideal world, it would be incredibly effective. However, like any business, there are scammers within the online dating community and even on the platforms themselves. So, the first step is to choose a trustworthy dating site. Opt for platforms that have reliable security measures like profile checks, anti-spam, and anti-fraud software. Embracing Online Dating in the Pandemic Era The pandemic has made our lives more challenging, forcing us to adapt to a

In my novella, "The Story of Ex," I write about a woman changing herself to keep her partner happy.  I, myself, have done that in more than one of my relationships.  That was wrong.  You should never have to change who you are to keep your partner happy.  If that person loves you he/she is going to love you as you are. You don't fall in love with someone while having a list of things you want them to change in the back of your mind.  That's not love.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't change some of your behaviors, or compromise with your partner.  You can change your behaviors to improve yourself and your relationship without changing yourself.  For example, if one of the partners in a relationship drinks a lot, and their significant other is like, "You're drinking way too much.  I worry about if you'll make it home driving. It's affecting our children and our finances."  That is a behavior that a person should change for the betterment